I have to say this

I never thought that I would have another female best friend because my past has shown me that you can grow apart from someone you've been "best friends" with since the age of five (my first best friend). I thought I found a true best friend in my second best friend because although we were apart after high school we'd still kept in touch, up until like five years ago. I had to face the realization that I could no longer call her my best friend three years ago, seeing as none of my contact information has changed, but she no longer wishes me a happy birthday or calls just because. Now I know that works two ways, but I've never missed telling her happy birthday, and I've tried contacting her through the channels I had available to me.

Years later I met this other girl. Didn't really like her at first because she appeared to be the typical annoying female. She just put of this vibe like she was thinking "Who the fuck are you? and What makes you so special?", so my walls went up, but me being the kind of person I am I still kept an open mind. Needless to say we weren't buddy buddy instantly. In fact I actually can't remember how it happened or when, but I was happy that I had a female best friend again. It was nice having another female to trust other than my mother. I don't why I just let my walls completely down around her without going through the trial period. That choice came back to bite me in the ass. Anywho, I thought she trusted me and I trusted her. I naively thought that she is different from most girls despite the fact that she exhibited the typical traits. *jumps forward*

Alas, a situation came around that helped her show her true colors. Turns out girly really wasn't my friend. Not going deep into it because I know what happened, and let's face it my primary audience right now is me. She got mad at me for trying to help save her relationship. I was friends with both parties at the time, and because of the shit going on in my life I didn't want them to fail over little shit. Don't know if the person I'm talking about will see this, but yes your problems were little shit. Don't care what side of the story you think I know, but all sides scream LITTLE, FIXABLE, AVOIDABLE SHIT! Moving on. I told old girl that I would be telling her partner the things he needed to fix so that I could help him work on said problems. She said okay. Each time she told me something I asked if she told him so I would be sure I wasn't sharing anything new. If she said yes then I made a mental note. So of course I'd talk to him later and ask him about the "public" knowledge. *jumps forward* I'm not sure why exactly we fell out, but to me it seems like she was mad that I was telling him what she said , despite the fact that I repeatedly told her I would. She felt like I would speak for him, but the truth is I never repeated anything he said about the situation, nor did I ever air her dirty laundry to him, but she treats me as if I did. *jumps forward* So, at the time I was like whatever. She's mad because she's stressed and feeling pressure from all sides. I tried to give her space, but I guess it wasn't enough. But as the time passed and we didn't make up the picture became clearer and clearer. She wasn't a real friend and girly never really gave a fuck about me, trusted me, or understood me for this shit to happen the way it did.

I must say it hurt me at first because this whole mess started because she lied. I mean like framing someone on a police report lied to me when she didn't even have to. I don't have time for people who lie when they don't have to. I don't have space in my fucked up world for people who don't trust me enough to tell me the truth. *jumps forward* The straw that inspired this post and cause me to "dead" her was the fact that she owed me money. Never have I ever brought it up about getting it back, because I didn't need it, but the moment I did old girl lied to me again. It's been more than two weeks since I asked for it. Well, maybe she doesn't have it. Chick got two jobs, technically, and two Fridays have passed. Well, she has responsibilities so maybe she can't spare it. Hmm, she hitting the club up every night it seems so I think she has disposable income. Well, maybe she doesn't know happened and why you need the money. Yeah, if she ever once actually gave two fucks about me then she would know what's going on. So, no matter how you look at it chick don't care about me, and never did.


Now that that has been said, I'm good. I need the money, but keep the money. I want nothing else to do with you. If you are ever so inclined to extract your cranium from your anal canal remember this: your choices, your life, your mistakes, your regrets. You decided to let go of a good thing because it's stocks are down right now. You abandoned the real friends for the people living that life that is so shiny to you right now. You don't like the life of responsibility you created, and now want to run from it. The people you wronged will never ever treat or see you the same. You will NEVER be able to repair the damage you've done.


*steps down* *drops mic* *keeps it moving*

Edit: I refuse to let someone rent or own space in my mind and heart if I can't at least visit for extended periods in his/hers. Light switch is forever stuck in the off position.