Signs your marriage is over

So I was just doing some research to prove to myself what I already know. Right now I see my marriage as a game. The objective of this game is to see how far the pachyderm [it's a game you so you have to have character choices, duh], which carries all of our baggage, can get while trying to navigate the paper-thin sheet of ice that covers an underwater minefield. The elephant [I want it to be an elephant in this case for various reasons that I will not go into detail about] usually makes it to the exact spot and has the exact same problems, so naturally the poor creature explodes under the weight of the baggage. Oh, I forgot to mention that as the pachyderm crosses then minefield more RNG [random number generator-basically a phrase to explain mechanics in game that will happen, but it is randomly determined how or when it will happen] baggage is added to increase the pressure. I get stuck at the continue screen for various amounts of time, and just when I think it's over and I'm ready to quit the game, I hit continue.

So here are random excerpts from articles I read today:

1. You no longer, have anything in common.

Do you and your partner spend hours together under the same roof, at social engagements or performing routine errands, yet rarely engage in meaningful conversation? Living in silence is a primary symptom of major marital problems.

2. You can do no right.

Do you feel like your every action is being watched and criticized by your partner? Can you do no right in their eyes? Do you feel intimidated or afraid because of your partners constant criticism? Too often partners will funnel larger relationship issues into negative criticism of day-to-day tasks.

5. Looking for distractions from the problems.

If the television is on constantly, you both sit with your face buried in a book or you always have something else that needs to be done there may be a problem. It is common for individuals to find such distractions to avoid dealing with a troubled marriage.

6. Arguing over the same subject repeatedly.

If your arguments become routine with all the same issues and no resolution, then your marriage is either standing still or dying fast. You may need the assistance of a professional counselor to help find solutions to the problems that don't seem to go away.

7. Intimacy is a thing of the past.

A considerable decline in physical affection is one of the most recognized symptoms of a failing relationship. Intimacy is the act that allows us to bond as husband and wife. If your partner is showing no or very little interest in having sex with you then they are showing little concern for their emotional bond with you as a husband/wife.

[There were seven items in this list http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/signsyourmarriageisover/tp/warningsigns.htm. Moving on.]

•  put aside goals you have set for yourself,
• isolates you from friends and family,
• limits what you are allowed to do for entertainment,
• constantly nag to get what you want and need,
• make excuses for your spouse’s behavior,
• feel as if you have to walk on eggshells,
• let go of who you are as an individual,
• worry constantly over the problems in the marriage,
• question yourself over and over again about why you are still there.

[There were 11 items in this list http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/f/divorc_time.htm.

Highlighted items may be due to my disorder. Moving on.]

Money problems. Most couples argue over bills, debt, spending, and other financial issues.

Sex. Frequency, quantity, quality, and infidelity are all common sources of stress and disharmony in a marriage.

Time apart. Time apart and a lack of quality time together serves to get people out of sync with each other.

Household Responsibilities. - Many couples argue over equitable distribution of household work, and how to do it. Instead of sitting down and dividing household chores fairly they quibble over who did or didn’t do what.

Friends. 

Irritating habits.

Expectations.

Personality conflicts. Is your personality ruining your marriage? There are personality traits that can doom a marriage to failure. Are you a conflict avoider? Do you like to “one-up your spouse? Do you bend over backwards to please your spouse, neglecting your needs in the process? If you answered yes to any of these, you need to work on changes these negative personality traits.

[This was a 10 item list. http://divorcesupport.about.com/od/isdivorcethesolution/qt/marital_discord.htm]

Your partner can’t see the reality of your marriage

If your spouse doesn’t understand how his actions are affecting you – and even worse, refuses to compromise – then your marriage will be difficult to rebuild. To rise from rock bottom, both partners have to see how their actions or inactions are affecting the relationship – and both partners have to be willing to work on it.

Your spouse sees how thing are, but doesn’t care

You can communicate until you’re blue in the face, but if your partner doesn’t care how you feel or whether the relationship is healthy, then perhaps it’s a sign your marriage is over.

You don’t connect with your spouse

When you first got married, you probably felt understood, heard, and connected with your partner. Time passes, and the stress of daily life and kids and jobs and money and house all take a toll…and you find that you’re not connecting anymore. 

You have different visions of the future of your marriage

He wants a four million dollar home on oceanfront property; you want to live in a cottage in the country. He wants six children; you’d rather be childfree. He wants his mom and aunt to live with you in his four million dollar home; you can barely tolerate Christmas dinner together. To keep your marriage together, you need to agree on your vision as a couple or family – and put each other first (and your financial goals, parents, or careers second).

You’re not physically intimate (not always a sign your marriage is over)

This may not be a sure way to tell if your marriage is over — it depends on your physical and mental health – but if you have no love life to speak of, then you probably aren’t connecting on an intimate emotional and physical level. The less you connect, the less healthy your relationship is…and the more likely your spouse is ending the relationship.

You fight the “wrong” way in your marriage

If you can’t focus on the topic of your argument, opting instead to bring up past mistakes or reopen old wounds, then your marriage may be leaning towards “over.” The more past conflicts come into current arguments, the less healthy your marriage is.

[Another seven item list http://theadventurouswriter.com/blog/is-my-marriage-over-ways-to-tell-if-your-spouse-is-ending-the-relationship]


Yea... I'm just going to end this post here.