Half-assed/ I'm a sucker; I am Sisyphus

My post are always behind because I have to wait for him to be gone or asleep. So Monday he offered me a very half-assed apology. After not speaking to me for two days he thinks he can buy his way back in with Skyrim. Honestly it would have worked had he not prefaced his apology with, "I am not apologizing for the dishwasher. I am apologizing for blowing up at you." Okay. Well since you are offering a half-assed apology and still can not understand my feelings/complaints then I will just continue to not wear my ring and plot behind your back to leave you. Just because you are coming with me to see my family /friends again does not change a darn thing because we both know you just did it because you are worried about all the things I could do without your watchful eye, and would never ever tell you about. We both know you just need my car now that yours needs to be in the shop again because of all the failed, unnecessary aftermarket "upgrades" you made to your car, that have costed us almost as much to remove/repair as it did to buy/install.   I will admit that I take things to the extreme, but after almost seven years of knowing me you haven't realized that? Why would you just remove the pin from a grenade and not think you would need to dispose of the grenade before it blows up in your face?  I am not ashamed to admit that I am a cold, calculating, evil, heartless bitch because I was practically raised by wolves, but I have this flip side that is completely opposite that dominates since I did not agree with the "pack mentality". However, when I get angry I revert to the "pack mentality". The "pack mentality" refers to my upbringing and how I was taught to respond to situations, although it would more accurately be described as "lone wolf mentality". I have deemed it "pack mentality" because both of my parents taught me to be this way. I will elaborate on that another day because it deserves its own post. Basically, after that half-assed apology I went back to Plan A: Phase 1, which was going through the motions, but that is another post itself.  I will always have that moment in the back of my mind reminding me not to give too much anymore.

So Tuesday rolls around and we have this big deep talk to understand each other better. As usual I understand his p.o.v. with little elaboration, but I have to breakdown everything for him to understand mine. These talks always end with us making up, but deep down I know a week or two from now it will be the same problems over and over again because he does not listen to me. I tell him important stuff all the time, but he tunes me out. I have basically given this man a manual that explains me, but he won't take the time to "read it" or at less skim through the pages and highlight important stuff. Despite all that I have forgiven him. I'm still plotting my escape, but let's face it.... the truth is I am a sucker. I'm always going to make excuses for him and place the blame on me. I am Sisyphus, the rock is my marriage, and the incline my problems.