It is more than loading the dishwasher....

So yesterday we got into a huge fight over the dishwasher.  But how do you get in a fight over a dishwasher?  Well, this dishwasher thing has been a thing since 2009, sadly to say. Being slightly OCD-ish I like to have things a certain way and it bothers me if I don't. It is like it haunts me until it is fixed. I have tried  to see how long I can go without "fixing" things, but no matter how long I leave it the thought of it being wrong lingers in my mind.  Although my apartment is a finite area I need helping cleaning it because my "tendencies" causes things to take way longer than they should, and he creates a new mess daily that sets me back because i have to clean the house in a certain order. He agreed to wash the dishes and put them in the dishwasher. He started tossing things in all willy nilly. I mentioned in a very silly tone how I needed him to learn the way I like it or at least try because he's causing my OCD to flare up. After that statement he just flew off the handle talking about how if he doing the dishes then I should just shut up or do it myself if I want it a certain way. He started complaining how there was no space to put the dishes in anyway and that was my fault for already having dishes in there. But there was more than enough space. I don't run the dw until it is full to try to save money/the planet. So for the 100th time I explained about my upbringing, which seriously contributes to my tendencies, but he wouldn't listen. He completely dismissed me as I tried to explain that it is more than just loading the dw. By him not trying/ doing it the way I like after three years of me mentioning it just says to me that I don't give a fuck about you, your problems, or your feelings. I know I am asking for a little bit much here, but I thought marriage was about compromise, and love meant doing anything you can to make your partner happy. He works with technology for a living; Am I supposed to believe that he's not smart enough to group like objects? I have been loading that dw the same way for three years! I arrange the dishes by color, size, and type, i.e. the plates in the back, in order by size/set, and facing the right so I can remove them faster.

So this fight somehow extended past he dw, and went to the real issues he was having a problem with. See, that's how it works with him, I say one thing that he doesn't like and he will blow it up and reveal a bigger issue. He is off on vacation, we were supposed to go and see his family then see mine. But he never wants to go see my family. In fact he's only been twice, but he had the audacity to say we don't go to see his folks without seeing mine. Excuse me oblivious motherfucker, but where have you been? You have only gone see  my family twice since 2005.  However, we have spent just about every major holiday with his folks since 2005 and any significant amount of vacation time he gets. All because his folks are only four hours away. Well then motherfucker, my folks are only four hours from your folks. 


This fight has caused me to got into fuck it mode. I will use the some of the money I have saved up and go see my family myself. While I am there I will try to find a job because it has become painfully clear to me that he will never change or understand what I go through with my conditions. I realize now that he does not want a wife. He wants a live in maid that he can pork on occasions. So until I can afford to move out that is just what he'll get sans the sex. I am not wearing my rings anymore because as far as I'm concerned I am not married. This thing that we have is not marriage. It's a farce that I am no longer willing to maintain because it is slowly killing me to do so.